The Face Slimmer
Ladies, if your mouth is getting wider then you need “The Face Slimmer.” This anti-aging beauty tool is guaranteed to bring your mouth muscles back to their former glory.
The Japanese continuously bring us strange products. Especially products designed for the face. This mouth exerciser is no exception . If the first thought you had was “Wtf is this made out of?” then you will be thrilled to learn that this anti-wrinkle tool is made entirely of shirinkongumu. It promises to give you a youthful looking face, while helping to tone the corners of your mouth at an upward angle and strengthing the muscles of the face that you don’t use that often.
Let’s be serious for one second. The Face Slimmer is basically just a blow-job trainer. Ladies, the more you use this mouth muscle trainer, the more your man will love your mouth. This is the perfect gift for the slut, the wife, the girlfriend, or the old lady in your life who doesn’t remember what a blow-job is, and just drools a lot.
18 Again Vaginal Shrink Cream!?
Apparently the problem with getting old is having your vagina widen to the point of calling it the human chasm. 18 Again Vaginal Shrink Cream is here to stop that canyon from spreading wider. No one wants to toss a hotdog down a hallway. So if you think that you may need this product, then don’t hesitate. It’s not a bad thing that your vagina is gaping wider than a laundry bag on laundry day. It’s a normal part of aging. It happens to all ladies. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Guys, is your girlfriend feeling a bit roomy down there? Wondering if you are measuring up, or if maybe your girls pussy is just turning into the Bermuda Triangle and swallowing things whole? Have you gone from one finger to your whole fist? Is your girlfriend sneaking snacks into movie theaters while not even carrying a purse? Well check out this 18 Again Vaginal Shrink Cream and rub some on yourself the next time you are going to go spelunking. The results are guaranteed to make you both feel like virgins all over again. It will help you to stop feeling insecure about the size of your manhood. It will heighten your sexual pleasure. Most importantly though, the 18 again vagina shrink cream will make you become the sex god you always knew you were.
Don’t forget that this is the perfect gift for grandmas next birthday, or even mothers day! Get your tube of 18 Again Vaginal Shrink Cream today! Remember, 1 tube of this stuff and it’s guaranteed by the manufacturer to tighten all of your vagina muscles to virgin like strength, or your money back! It’s time you took control of your sexual libido. Don’t let a gaping vagina stand in the way of happiness.
Wine Glass Neck Strap!
Alcoholics everywhere agree that this Wine Glass Neck Strap is a 10/10.
Don’t let anyone tell you that alcoholism is a disease. Show off your classy neoprene strap that says “I’m a professional, who has way too much to do than to bother holding my wine.”
The next time you find yourself driving down the freeway in your Prius, while choosing the next Enya song from your road trip playlist, don’t let your friends catch you without your signature organic wine. Better yet, why not drive around town smelling the wonderful aroma of your favorite vino wafting up from your neckline and regail your friends with tails of your university years in France. The rubberized lining will provide extra gripping power, for those times you may just be too drunk to rely on the power of your own grip strength.
If you don’t buy this Wine Glass Neck Strap, then you will be the only one without one on your next Napa winery tour
Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer
So you’re American, you have 3-10 chins, and are looking for a way to look younger, healthier, and slimmer without dieting, or exercise? Well the Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer is for you, all you do is toss some batteries in this bitch, and it’ll transport your neckline through time and space itself.
You will have heart attack after the first time you use this. Not from the physical activity, but from the sight of yourself in the mirror and your new slim neck line after you use the neck genie.
If you aren’t looking for a way to slim your neckline, you can always just order these wholesale and drop some crates off at senior centers. That would be doing the world a favor.
Support activism, and get the Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer today!
Kitty Carpet Vagina Toupee!?
If you thought Miley Cyrus had done everything, you were wrong. She hasn’t paraded around in only her kitty carpet vagina toupee just yet! You may have seen Miley Cyrus’ vagina all over the internet, who hasn’t? Did you know that Miley did a short advertising campaign for a company called Kitty Carpet? Apparently this company thrives off of girls mishandling Nair or using dull razors. Their most famous product the kitty carpet vagina toupee aims to cover up those pubic hair mistakes.
Girls normally have a few choices when it comes to those downstairs crotch hair styles. Hairless, the V, the landing strip… but what happens when a girl attempts the landing strip, but ends up with the Macaulay Culkin? You know, the one that makes her vagina look like the brain bug from Starship Troopers met the balding John Travolta. Well if you’ve ever been in that predicament, you could just go hairless, but that wouldn’t be that 70’s of you would it? Every woman knows that in order to feel the powers of womanhood she needs a magnificent and majestic bush. This is why the kitty carpet vagina toupee is such a good product. It empowers women more than feminism ever dreamed it could.
Well the kitty carpet vagina toupee is here to save the day. When you botch your wax job, but still want a bush that would make Debbie Does Dallas do you, then you need this in your life! This is the perfect gift for anyone who has a balding vagina. You can also use this to accentuate your bikini line for the summer time. Strippers love to buy this as well as they can purchase a vagina toupee in every color that human hair comes in! Dye your hair? This is perfect for matching the carpet to the drapes!