Deer Ass Bottle Opener To Impress The Ladies!
This Deer Ass Bottle Opener is the magic trick to impress the ladies and make girls instantly want you. Let me explain, have you ever wondered how to pick up girls? Have you tried to fumble your way through small talk only to wind up alone night after night? Well are you sick and tired of watching your friends hook-up at parties or pull numbers every time you go out for a round of drinks? If I was in your position I’d kill myself, but I’m not, because I’m alpha. This Deer Ass was handcrafted by God himself to make you alpha and impress the ladies in your life!
I know what you are thinking, “how can this deer ass possibly impress the ladies?” Well first of all, girls love ass. Second of all this fine piece of deer ass is also a bottle opener. So throw a party, and ask a girl if she wants a drink. Take her over to your deer ass bottle opener and show her how it works. She will thank you for the drink, and comment on your ass. This is your moment to strike my friend! You should have a pre-planned witty remark for when a girl comments on your ass. Something like “Well if you think this ass is impressive…” and I’m sure you can finish off with something brilliant!
This Deer Ass Bottle Opener won’t just impress the ladies, it will get get you laid! It’s guaranteed by the manufacturer or your money back!
This gift idea is perfect for your mom. That’s not an insult. Remember, this Deer Ass Bottle Opener was designed to impress the ladies and get you laid. This is also the perfect gift idea for the frat boy, the incoming college freshman, the sorority girl, the hunter, the “do you even lift bro?” guy, and of course, the nice guys that finish last.
Girlfriend Leg Pillow??
One of the Japanese products that causes a lot of cringe is the Girlfriend Leg Pillow. This pillow, modeled after a Japanese girl sitting down, happens to be quite popular among single men aged 16-35 in Japan. In fact, most men in Japan are too busy and too shy to approach women. A lot of men go on to lead single lives, but they want companionship like the rest of us. The Japanese pillow industry is rife with lifelike and anatomically correct pillow products.
Weeaboos everywhere are in agreement when they say that women are obsolete. That real human women are only tsundere and don’t fill that traditional housewife role that they used to. It’s because of this moral dogma that the weeaboos stick to so heavily that has allowed industry giants to come in with their synthetic waifu products to make money. If you know anyone who may be a weeaboo you may want to get them professional help. Sometimes even professional help fails. When that happens, you should be glad your friend is only a weeaboo and not a furry. Furries wouldn’t enjoy the girlfriend leg pillow anyway. It’s not hairy enough.
This girlfriend leg pillow is all you need to take with you on a long hike or even to work and school! You can cuddle with your waifu legs whenever you feel the need. I recommend laying out on the grass on your Girlfriend Leg Pillow, the next time you are invited to a wedding. Show everyone that love with humans is overrated! The weeaboos are going to take over the world. Anime is here to stay whether we like it or not. We might as well get with the times and move to Japan and settle down with a nice plush partner that treats us right.
Justin Bieber’s Man Sack
Going through life with only 2 hands is tough. It always seems like we need more hands, or more bags to carry stuff. The Man Sack is here to help everyone as the world’s leading testicle shaped fanny pack and the worlds first ball shaped fanny pack to be endorsed by celebrity singer Justin Bieber!
If you were looking for an inconspicuous way to store your drugs and drug paraphernalia, then The Man Sack is probably what you’ve been searching for your entire life. No cop in his right mind would ever ask you to unzip your testicles so he could see inside. This sack inspired fanny pack is the perfect small bag to carry your bible to church, or your children prescription medications.
Don’t be the only one at the next Bieber concert to not be wearing The Man Sack!
The Goatee Saver
This Goatee Saver may be the worlds best companion gift for the fedora lover in your life.
This goatee shaving template may resemble the mouth parasites from the movie Aliens, but don’t worry, the manufacturers haven’t learned how to program these little guys to stop you from breathing just yet.
For guys like Micheal J. Fox, where an etch-o-sketch is his worst enemy, this cringe worthy goatee template may come in handy. Then again, if you have Parkinsons, holding a razor to your face is an extreme sport where you put your life on the line.
If you are into that whole hipster mustache fad, then try the Goatee Saver out. Just don’t blame us if your neighbors see you in it and think you are some Batman Bane cosplayer.
Wine Glass Neck Strap!
Alcoholics everywhere agree that this Wine Glass Neck Strap is a 10/10.
Don’t let anyone tell you that alcoholism is a disease. Show off your classy neoprene strap that says “I’m a professional, who has way too much to do than to bother holding my wine.”
The next time you find yourself driving down the freeway in your Prius, while choosing the next Enya song from your road trip playlist, don’t let your friends catch you without your signature organic wine. Better yet, why not drive around town smelling the wonderful aroma of your favorite vino wafting up from your neckline and regail your friends with tails of your university years in France. The rubberized lining will provide extra gripping power, for those times you may just be too drunk to rely on the power of your own grip strength.
If you don’t buy this Wine Glass Neck Strap, then you will be the only one without one on your next Napa winery tour
Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer
So you’re American, you have 3-10 chins, and are looking for a way to look younger, healthier, and slimmer without dieting, or exercise? Well the Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer is for you, all you do is toss some batteries in this bitch, and it’ll transport your neckline through time and space itself.
You will have heart attack after the first time you use this. Not from the physical activity, but from the sight of yourself in the mirror and your new slim neck line after you use the neck genie.
If you aren’t looking for a way to slim your neckline, you can always just order these wholesale and drop some crates off at senior centers. That would be doing the world a favor.
Support activism, and get the Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer today!